Helping Quiet and Shy Girls

"Quiet Girls" have a lot to say!

“Quiet Girls” have a lot to say!

I was painfully shy at one time, and I understand the stuckness and pain of it. I feel called to help quiet girls who feel stuck. I’ve begun some projects that might interest you too, described at the end.

I was that super shy kid while growing up, who could barely get a word out of my mouth even though I craved being heard and understood. It was more painful than it needed to be.

I have broken free of that shyness grip and I have studied how I did it, and how others have done it. I know how to help. I feel called to pass it on. 

Today I understand my introverted side, the part of me that needs quiet time more than extroverts do. There’s nothing wrong with that. Quiet is a beautiful thing!

A Snapshot of the Problem

I’m not talking about “fixing” introversion when I say I want to help “quiet” girls. I’m talking about helping girls who are facing these kinds of painful or frustrating situations:

  • Feeling like it’s hard to speak up when you really want to be heard and understood.
  • Dreading speaking in class or anywhere, but you feel forced to. Maybe even having panic attacks about it, as I used to.
  • Being asked “What’s wrong?” just because you’re being quiet or leaving the party early.
  • Having your opinions skipped over because you didn’t jump in fast enough.
  • Worried you won’t be as successful in life unless you wear an extrovert mask.
  • Feeling totally drained by wearing an extrovert mask.
  • Feeling like you want to crawl under the bed at social gatherings.
  • Being told to “just do it” or “speak up!”

“Just do it” advice is not enough. That just drove me crazy when I heard it. In fact, it made me want to go further into a shell. Ugh.

I wish someone had helped me understand early on about things like fear, introversion, and what was great about my quiet nature. I am determined to do that for young women.

How You Can Help This Cause

  1. Stop and listen to Quiet Girls.
    Slow the conversations down enough so that people who like to think first will have a chance to speak. Build in more quiet time in your meetings. A teacher friend of mine says she uses the “Think, Pair, Share” method to give everyone a chance to think first, then talk in a pair, then share. I love it!
  2. Help people understand that everyone has nervous moments and can work with it.
    Nervousness is simply your body buzzing in a new situation. It’s human! It’s a natural result of excitement. Try not to judge it as bad, and that will take away half the stress of it. Take time to learn about fear.
  3. Write Letters to Quiet or Shy Girls.
    Join me in writing encouraging notes to girls who feel very stuck. Tell them what works for you in finding your voice. Tell them about your journey. It could be helpful for you to write something. It only takes a few minutes. I’ll use your submissions to publish something for “shy girls” of any age. [Submit your notes here.]
  4. Share this post.
    Share this with parents, teachers, and shy or quiet “girls” of any age. Just hitting “Like” on the Facebook button at the top of this post will help. There’s also a “Share/Save” button below this post. Or just copy the website address and email it to a friend. Thanks!

My Next Steps

I’m working on my own letter to the shy girl I once was. I look forward to publishing it somewhere soon.

I’m also turning to my new youth advisory group to help me design some support groups for young women. These young introverts have so much wisdom to share! I’m so grateful.

Update 12/7/14: I did lead a group for “quiet girls” and now I’m teaching others to do the same. You can contact me to learn more. And I’m working on a book that will help quiet “girls,” including teens and adults.

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  • http://www.verilliance.com/blog Jennifer Williams

    Val, this is great! So glad to witness this new evolution for you. :)

    • http://www.valnelson.com/ Val Nelson

      Thanks Jenn!!

  • Kelli Hurlburt

    I love this mission! You are the perfect person to carry it out.

    • http://www.valnelson.com/ Val Nelson

      Thank you Kelli! <3