Sometimes you just feel knocked off your feet by a big life change — maybe a death, a divorce, or losing your job at mid-life.
It’s enough to make you question everything. You can feel lost for a while, like the earth is moving beneath you. Where are the railings to hold on to?
You might want to make everything stop, but there are bills to pay and people expecting you to keep up your responsibilities. How are you supposed to deal with it all at once?
I get all this from firsthand experience. That’s how it felt for me when I went through a death in the family. And that’s how it has felt for the many people I have helped to make it through those rocky times.
I’m a better person on the other side of loss, but it’s not as simple as “When one door closes, another door opens.” Because the missing line there is, “it’s hell in the hallway.”
My Story of Grief and Transition
After my father died suddenly when I was 33, I was a bit thrown for at least a year. Most people my age had not been around death at all. My friends couldn’t relate to what I was feeling. I can see today that it was a huge spiritual journey I was on, and part of the stress of it was that people didn’t get me.
I attended a bereavement group, but it was filled with people in their 70s who had lost a partner, and I felt like the freak in the room. On the inside, it felt like there was a rip in the Universe that people could easily slip through. Where could I talk about that?
Strangely, this wasn’t as stressful as it sounds, on the one hand. It was like a fascinating sci-fi movie that was waking me up to something so much bigger than myself. My dreams, visions, and insights were profound during that time.
But feeling alone with it was hugely stressful. I didn’t know how to relate to my friends or partner for a while. Getting basic things done felt like walking through mud.
That period of not feeling understood led to a long depression, changes in friendships, a much-needed breakup, and a job change. It was a rocky, life-changing time to say the least!
And I am better for it all. Grateful for it all. My faith in life, and acceptance of death and loss, is now very deep. I see now that it didn’t need to be so hard and I want to support others in making it easier, and making room for the metamorphosis that is trying to come through you.
My Experience Helping Others with Grief and Loss
I worked for six years in a Hospice agency and loved it. I felt deeply appreciative for every moment of being alive, and grateful to be up close with people facing the ultimate life questions. I learned how to be with it all and to maintain my own inner calm.
The people I helped during my Hospice job, including the volunteers I trained and supervised, have told me how much they appreciated my calmness, empathy, and support.
Eventually my career path led me to start my own coaching business, where my clients express that same kind of appreciation:
I’ve gone from feeling hopeless and helpless to empowered, capable, and growing. I came to Val feeling burned out. With Val’s guidance I feel alive again.”
I recently experienced another death in my life, and what a difference this time. I was able to be fully present with the spiritual journey of it, without all the stress or feeling alone. What a gift. A huge gift. My heart is wider than ever and I feel so alive, even while I feel the grief.
Now it’s time for me to add grief and loss to my coaching specialties. Or rather, to name it publicly, since it’s been there all along.
As I write this, I can feel my heart saying Yes Yes Yes! I’m tearing up thinking of the joy of helping you through a foggy patch, and for the pain of where you might be in this moment.
A Little Encouragement for You and What’s Next
It doesn’t have to be so hard. You don’t have to be alone with that confusing, earth-shaking time. It doesn’t have to be a heart-break. There’s heart-broken, and there’s heart broken open. Let’s talk about the difference.
I provide a safe container where you feel understood. And I can help you piece things together to live into the person you’re now becoming.
Val has a way of creating a comfortable space, and at the same time, really taking you to the limit to unleash your fullest potential.”
By the way, feeling sad doesn’t mean you need a therapist or that you need to “fix it.” Feelings are healthy and normal. I’m good at helping you understand emotions and at knowing when therapy is needed or not, so we can discuss that.
Do you want to schedule a call to chat and get acquainted? I look forward to hearing from you. Please use the form below to get the ball rolling. I hold everything in confidence and with deep respect.