Being Introverted Is a Good Thing!
May 16th, 2010 by Val Nelson
I find that in our Western culture, that both introverts and extroverts have a negative view of introversion. Or they confuse it with social anxiety or shyness. It comes up so often in my career coaching work that I have to devote a page to it.
Introversion is not a judgment. It simply refers to a preferred style (like being left-handed or right-handed). And it’s a style that can be used to an advantage, once it’s understood. So what is it exactly?
What Is an Introvert?
Simply put, introversion is a preference for recharging alone or with a trusted circle. For instance, introverts tend to think through their ideas internally or with a significant other before expressing themselves to a larger group.
Whereas, extroverts recharge around others and tend to prefer thinking while speaking with others. As a result, they are often quicker to speak up in groups.
For a fun metaphor to define the two types, I will borrow from the psychologist who wrote The Introvert Advantage:
Introverts are like a rechargeable battery. They need to stop expending energy and rest in order to recharge. Extroverts are like solar panels that need the sun to recharge. Extroverts need to be out and about to refuel. ~Marti Olsen Laney
Social anxiety and shyness are not the same as introversion. They are fear-based traits that can be overcome. Introversion is a preference or a temperament, not a problem. Introverts might be more prone to shyness but it’s not the same thing.
Prejudice Against Introverts
Notice there is no judgment in these definitions. Each type has their own strengths and preferences.
Nevertheless, many introverts feel “less than” in our Western culture. (Not true in all cultures.)
This “less than” idea is a misconception. You don’t have to wear an extrovert mask in order to thrive! (I think it’s time for an Introvert Pride movement. Care to join me?)
Unfortunately, the different styles that introverts and extroverts display in groups lead to a lot of misunderstanding and frustration.
Think of the typical work meeting where some speak up more than others. Extroverts tend to mistake introverts for being quiet or disinterested because the introverts aren’t jumping in as fast. Sometimes the topic has moved on before an introvert is ready to speak.
I can hear the introverts out there thinking (to themselves), “Yeh! Tell those extroverts to slow down and shut up!” Obviously, the frustration can go both ways.
When I held a series of introvert discussion groups, some of my extroverted friends made jokes that it would be a quiet meeting. In fact, they were lively discussions, and everyone got to participate.
Take Advantage of Your Strengths
I used to be shy, and now I am a proud introvert who loves being social. When I learned about introversion, I finally saw it for what it was and stopped apologizing. And that freed me up to expand on the strengths of being an introvert.
I even enjoy networking now and have a few secrets to share about that. (See Networking Secrets.)
I enjoy helping people tap into their unique strengths (what I like to call superpowers). Whether it’s social anxiety and/or introversion, the coaching work that I do helps people rise above fears and self-judgment so they can thrive as their true selves.
I encourage you to take a little time to learn about the much-maligned introverts, let go of the prejudice, and learn about their strengths. I’ve selected some excellent starting places below.
Online Resources for Introverts
Are You an Introvert? (by the author of Introvert Advantage)
Extroversion or Introversion (Myers & Briggs Foundation)
Revenge of the Introverts (Oct. 2010 cover story, Psychology Today)
Self-Promotion for Introverts (blog at Psychology Today)
The Introvert’s Corner (blog at Psychology Today)
Caring for Your Introvert (The Atlantic, 2003 – remains one of their most popular articles ever)
An Introvert’s Lexicon: a humorous look at the world from an Introvert’s point of view (New Reflections Counseling)
More Recommended Books
Self-Promotion for Introverts by Nancy Ancowitz
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers, PhD
(This classic changed my life. Condensed audio version is great.)
